Broken Faith
by It's Just Apple Pie
Summary: Emily tells Maya to meet her at their special bench. But when Maya gets there Emily won't touch or look at her. What will Maya do? What is Emily trying to say? Why is she so distant? What does Maya hate herself- what did she do? One-Shot. Decent Ending.T


"Hey," I smile at her wickedly, my mood immediately picking up when I see her. I go to hug her but she sits down on the bench before I can. I sit down next to her, confused.

"Hey," She mumbles, not really looking me in the eye.

"So…" I try to perk up her mood without losing my smile, and poking her tone arm, "Why did you want to meet here?" I ask suggestively, "Miss me?" I ask, when she doesn't answer, as a last resort to get her attention.

She looks at me, her eyes screaming at me to understand. "Emily?" I ask, because she has only said one word to me, and we haven't seen each other for several weeks.

"Maya." She breathes, her eyes slipping closed, and a single tear dripping down her cheek. I'm surprised, but nonetheless I try to comfort her. My hands reach out for hers, but she sits on them, before we can touch. I gasp, a hurt expression on my face.

She isn't looking at me though- she's looking at her converse.

I realize that she _texted_ me to come here, saying we need to talk.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Em?" I ask, trying to get her to talk to me. I'm confused at her rejection. Scared by my suspicions of what she is about to do.

"Yes." She says breaking her silence, but her voice cracks, "There is."

I wait for her to continue but she doesn't.

Another tear drips down her cheek, this time it falls in her lap. Her hair is in her face.

It suddenly concerns me that I can't see her eyes. Knowing that she's avoiding my touch, I try to reach out to her with words. "It's okay, just tell me." I clench my fists.

Another tear drips down in to her lap and I close my eyes, fighting the urge to touch her, to comfort her. She doesn't want me to touch her. I can _feel_ it. Even if I shift towards her, she winces and stiffens. I fight back my emotions, because I don't want her to panic- I'm supposed to be the easy-going, careless one.

The one who knows what's going on between us, who has experience in this sort of thing. The truth is I don't- I've never been in a relationship like ours. I don't ever know what to expect- though half the time I convince her and myself I call the shots. Truth is I'm whipped; she's got me- not the other way around.

"W-why won't you look at me?" I ask my voice hoarse and cracking. I hate how small I sound. How irrelevant I sound. Is that what I am to her? Irrelevant?

I feel her twitch, and know she's fighting back full on crying.

"What do you want me to do, Emily?" I open my eyes and find she's still staring at the dirt beneath our feet, "What do you want to say?"

"It's over." Her voice breaks on every syllable.

I don't understand what she's saying.

My hands automatically reach for her knees, and in one swift movement I've turned her toward me. She still won't look up at me. I lift her chin up more forcefully then I meant to, "What are you saying?" I desperately need for her to take it back.

Her eyes meet mine, but they aren't really her eyes- they're- they're _cold_ and _empty_.

"No- no, _no_. Emily. Stop it. _Don't_." I'm pathetically begging now, and I hate myself for it.

The tears are flowing down her cheeks, but she isn't really _crying_, she's silent- sobbing. There's no emotion in her features, in her eyes. I try to wipe away her tears in vain- they don't stop.

My other hand, which is resting on her knee, tightens its grip.

"I'm so sorry, Maya." She whispers.

"Why, Emily? W-why?"

"It's complicated."

A fire awakens inside of me, "So you're just going to leave- leave _again_- because it's complicated? Because you're confused, scared? _Damn it_, Emily- you think I think _this_ is simple? You think I'm so good at this? You make it so hard, and so easy. I'm confused too. I've never _felt _this with any one, before!"

"Maya, it's just easier if you let me go."

"But I can't wait forever, Em- if you decide to come b-back"-

She cuts me off, "That won't happen."

"It happened last time." I remind her.

"I won't repeat my mistakes." She's looking at me and she's talking to me- but it's like she's a machine.

It's like she was programmed to say these things, and she's just following orders.

My anger leaves me at those words, "I'm a mistake?"

"Yes. Everything we've ever done is a mistake."

"But"-

"Why can't you just let it go, Maya?" Her impatience flares, and the fact that her eyes actually have emotion in them only make this more real.

I won't cry. I don't cry.

Not for her, not for anyone. Not even when I want to crawl up in a ball and die.

_Never_.

Despite my insistent thoughts, tears build up in my eyes.

"Do you not like me anymore? Did you ev-ever? Am I- _w-was_ I just an experiment?"

"I'm sorry you've grown attached to me, it was not my intention to hurt you. I hope we can still be friends."

"How can you unintentionally make me love you?" I ask, hopelessly fighting back the already falling tears.

She gasps.

"What- you didn't know? You can't see it?" I ask.

Now she's reaching for me, but I can't let her touch me.

"I saw you with her." She says, "I know that I'm nothing to you."

"Nothing? _Nothing?_ You are everything! I'm wrapped around your little finger, Em!"

"You were… _with her_. I could feel it. I could see it in the way you two looked at each other. My mother- my parents were right. I am what you make me. This"- She gestured between us- "Isn't me. It's who I am with you. Helpless and pathetic. I don't like who I am with you. You make me weak. I'm _not_ weak."

"Yeah," I'm not sure where this bitterness came from, because I knew who she was talking about and it killed me inside what I did with that girl every day, but it was there, "You sure fight your self pretty damn hard. You're so strong- you're so _perfect_- this is _all_ my fault!" I'm being painfully sarcastic.

I suddenly see all her insecurities raise to her surface. "I know… I- I'm not the best _fuck_"- She winces at her own language, "But at least I'm faithful."

"I cheated on you." I tell her, so that it's not a suspicion but rather it's fact. "I hate myself for it. I just… I was tired of you pretending around other people that we're not together. I've never hidden who I am for anyone, besides you. That scared me. I'm not as experienced in what we have as you think. I may look like I know what's going on, but I have no clue. You've got me all tangled up- and I don't want to love you, Emily Fields. Not like this. Like I can't shout it out to the world. Like I can't even tell _you_, how I feel because then I might lose you...But I already did, didn't I?"

"What did you do with her, Maya? Did you _fuck_ her?"

"I wanted to do everything, and she did too- but I just… I couldn't. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't whipped- that if I wanted to, I could leave you. But I can't. I couldn't with her, and I can't with anyone else. You're… you're the only person I can… I can be with."

"You mean fuck?"

"No. I mean _make love_ to."

"You don't believe in that sappy stuff, Maya." She blushes, and everything almost feels okay- normal.

"You do." I reply, smoothly.

"I can't just forgive you- what you did- that _hurt_." She tells me, but at least she's looking at me.

"I'm so sorry, I'll make it up to you." I promise, grabbing her hands.

"I'm willing to give you a chance."

"Good. I don't know what I would have done with you. Probably crawl up into a ball and _die_."

"Same." She says softly, smiling shyly.

I pull her in for a kiss.


End file.
